I cannot express the feelings in my heart. The pent up desires try to find a way out and so it actually hurts inside. There is no use trying to stop them. Without them, I cannot live. But living seems to be so much more difficult. Dying would be easier it seems. However, I knowingly choose the harder route even though it may even drive me crazy. I understand that this is complete craziness. I cannot find any logic in this. But it is so forceful that I dare not stop it lest it creates hatred and destruction. It seems like I am in two different worlds at the same time, the real and the imaginary. In my imagination, I replay our conversations over and over again. I smile and laugh and dream. In the real world it is all cut and dry, duties come foremost but there is no emotion, no time, no leisure.
Even though you are so far away, it seems that you are right in my heart. My eyes fill up with tears as I try to understand what you mean to me. And then every effort, pain and suffering seems to be worth it. You mean the whole world to me. I could not ask for anything more.