Thursday, January 29, 2009
When loneliness surrounds me like a dark envelope of smoke, I feel suffocated, scared and lost. You are nowhere around and not even the trust that you care. I feel I am not important to you or to anyone. My goals and visions are all lost. I am tired of struggling to keep up to my expectations. Why am I am trying so hard when nobody cares ? Why am I listening to the angry words and acknowledging them ? Why is my protest nothing but mute tears ? All my hopes and dreams have crumbled to dust. I feel ashamed of myself. Why am I so frail ? I had taken pride in my mental strength my honesty and integrity. But alas!, nothing is left of me but a tortured soul. What went wrong that I could not trust myself anymore? The rules of society and the rules of heart were in direct conflict and like metal whips lashed against the pillars of strength and tore down my self-confidence. I could neither do justice to myself or to the promises I made without understanding their true meanings. And now I am all alone with my loneliness. Am I unworthy of love? No.
As long as I have the gift of life, I am worthy of your love. I should be more than myself now. I need to extend a loving hand and give myself one more chance to sort things out. I am not afraid to do the right thing but I must find the right answer. Being confused and giving up is not the way. Inspite of understanding how hard it is to know the right answer, I should not give up the pursuit. You will come to me one day in form of knowledge and love and heal all the wounds and make me whole again. I pray for your company and blessing. Give me the strength again and make it all happen.