Tuesday, January 6, 2009
What do I really want to be ?
It is difficult to be critical about oneself. Fortunately, I don't see myself as being any different than other subjects of analysis. I have decided to dissect myself and expose all my flaws, as best as I can. Assuming I am not perfect, be prepared that my analysis will also be far from perfect. My reason for doing this is simply because I need to understand myself better. Who am I ? What do I really want to be?
As far back as I can remember, I am always drawn to the things that I cannot hold and people who are out of my reach. I seem to see their value and beauty very clearly and almost worship them. When it comes to recognizing the value of the things I possess, I do a terrible job. I hardly spend anytime to enjoy them. But golly, I should know that there is nothing that is mine. May be that will make me appreciate the things around me. Instead of expecting things to happen according to my dream, it's time for the little child to wake up and observe. Yes, it is a different world but there is nothing to fear. A ride is a ride no matter how different the flavor. At the end of the day it's just a ride. There is nothing really to hold on to. The fun is in letting it go.
I have also seen myself tending to depend heavily on my most favorite and most trusted friend. Poor thing, he/she might be tired of fulfilling this huge responsibilty. And at times, sure as hell, he/she is bound to fall short of my expectations, which are unreal in the first place. I have to stop looking for the perfect shoulders to dump all my worries on. The perfect shoulders exist and are none other than my own shoulders, right where the worries belong. I should not be afraid because my shoulders are strong enough. I have to be useful to myself first before I can be useful to anyone else.
The above I believe sums up who I am and where I need to be. I need to believe in myself no matter how formidable any task looks like today. I have to stop panicking and underestimating my abilities everytime. I should dream big and know that it is okay to fail...even multiple times. At the end of the day it's just a ride. There is nothing really to hold on to. The fun is in letting it go.